Learn to say NO but you find it a challenge to say no to people and often, you end up with too many commitments than you are comfortable with. However, if you say no, you start worrying about them being unhappy. Why do you feel this way? How can you learn to say no and not feel bad about it or by not offending the other person?
I will admit it, even now sometimes I find it very hard to say no. Whenever people approach me for something. A part of me wants to say no but a part of me does not want to hurt them.
Over time I realized that saying yes has its consequences. Because I keep saying yes to everyone, I would have little time to finish my own tasks. My time was not my own — it was taken over by what other people wanted from me.
LEARN TO SAY NO
Why It is Important to Say No:
In this world, we want to say yes to our closed ones, for sure. You need to say no in order to
Manage your own time.
If we had unlimited time, you could easily say yes to everything. But actually, we have limited time a day. In order to get our own things done, we have to say “NO.”
Set healthy boundaries.
When you do not draw a line between your needs and what others need, people will expect and take more from you. When you start to say no, you start to set boundaries and protect your own personal space.
Have time for your goals:
Your goals should be the most important in your life, such as finding your passion, starting your own business, and building relationships with your loved ones. Make sure you learn to say NO in order to achieve your own goals first.
Be happy.
When you learn to say no, you can control your time. You can love yourself and be happy.
Yet many of us find it tough to say NO. This can be due to the following reasons
Fear of being rude:
You are being afraid that if you say NO, it will look like you are being rude. You were brought up in such a way where saying no especially to elder people, is rude. This is especially in the Asian culture where seniority is highly valued and respected and disagreement is defiance.
Desire to conform.
You want to be a positive and a loved person, so you say yes. You do not want to be seen or labelled as difficult or a complicated person.
Fear of conflict.
You are afraid the person may get unhappy if you reject them, which may lead to a conflicted confrontation.
Afraid to burn bridges
Some people take “NO” as a sign of rejection, and you are afraid to hurt them and spoil relations.
Fear of losing opportunities
You are worried that saying NO means you closing the door to upcoming new opportunities.
Saying NO does not mean that you are being rude.
Neither does it mean that you are disagreeing. Having your own opinion is part of being an individual. If we keep saying yes, all the time to things that we are not willing to do, then we will be busy doing things that other people want us to do, not things that WE want to do.
Saying no does not mean creating conflicts — it is about your needs and healthy boundaries. If we do not assert ourselves, people keep assuming that we are okay with something when actually we are not.
Learn to say NO as it does not mean a loss of opportunity. It is more important to say yes to the right things and opportunities rather than to say yes to everything, including things that are not relevant to you. In the end, you have to look after your satisfaction.
Last but not least, when you keep helping others without looking after yourselves, you will end up sacrificing your personal goals, your time with your loved ones, and your health. We need to first say yes to yourselves before you can be of service to the world.
How to Say “NO”
Learn to say NO. You can say NO to people in a healthy way, politely without hurting them and without feeling guilty.
1. Be direct
As a general rule, whenever you find it hard to reject someone, you should have a two-sentence rule to get it done. Start with a “Sorry, I cannot.” Then, give your reason in one sentence. Or if you do not want to give your reason, just end it there itself.
FOR EXAMPLE:
1. “I am sorry, I cannot make it.”
2. “I will pass this round, sorry about that.”
3. “This does not meet my needs at the moment.”
4. “I am tied down with something and will not be able to do this.”
2. Be sincere
Most of the times you are afraid that if we say “NO,” you will burn the bridges. So, you pretend to be okay and say yes. Or you relent and say yes after the person persists.
Listen!!! Most people will accept your NO when you are sincere in your rejection. The people who care will understand, while those who get offended probably have unhealthy expectations, to begin with.
Note that this tip only works for people who respect your personal space. If you are dealing with narcissist folks who do not respect your space, then it is better to just say NO without sharing too much information.
3. Focus on what is requested, not the person
Learn to say NO without thinking about the person. One of the reasons you struggled with saying NO in the past might be that you did not want to reject the person. Just look at what is requested and expected from you. If the requested task is something you cannot do or cannot afford to do, then you should politely say NO to a particular task without overthinking about his/her reaction and the consequences.
4. Be positive
We have been taught to associate NO with negativity, and that saying NO will result in conflict. But it is possible to say “NO” and maintain a peaceful relationship. It is about how you do it. Realize that it is part and parcel of normal human communication. When you see “NO” as a bad thing, this negative energy will unintentionally be expressed in your response. There is no need to feel bad, feel guilty, or worry about the other person’s feelings. This does not mean that you should be tactless in your reply, but that you should not obsess over how other people will feel.
Even when you are rejecting the person’s request, keep your options open for the future. Let the person know that you can always reconnect down the road to meet, collaborate, discuss possibilities in the future.
5. Suggest alternatives:
This is optional, but if you know about an alternative, share it. For example, if you know of someone who can help the person who came to you, then suggest this alternative person or idea. This should only be done if you happen to know an alternative, not to compensate for saying NO.
6. Do not make yourself responsible for others’ feelings:
One of the reasons you resisted saying NO in the past might be that you did not want to make others feel bad. Maybe you felt like you were responsible for how others would feel, and you did not want others to be unhappy.
At some point in our life, you need to draw a line between helping others and helping ourselves. To be of service to others, you need to prioritize your own health and happiness. Do not make yourself responsible for others’ feelings, especially if they are going to respond negatively to your “NO”. If the person accepts your “NO,” great; if not, then that is too bad. Do what you can do, and then move on if it is beyond what you can offer.
7. Be ready to let go
Learn to say NO especially if the person is disrespecting your needs and expects that you should always say yes, then you might have to re-evaluate this relationship.
Too often we are taught to maintain peace and harmony in all aspects of life, which is why we hesitate to say NO — we do not want to get conflict. But when a relationship or friendship is draining you; when the other party is taking you for granted then you have to ask yourself if this connection is really what you want. A healthy relationship is one where both people support each other. A toxic relationship is one where one party is constantly giving and giving, while the other person just keeps asking and taking.
When I think about and observe the relationships that drain me, I realize that they are the relationships where I am not my real self, where I am expected to always say yes and the other person gets unhappy if I say no.
If you are dealing with such a person, then the question to you is, is this relationship worth keeping or not? No? then it is simple — simply let go of it. If the relationship is an important relationship to you, then let the person know about the issue and tell them how you feel. It is possible that they are not aware of what they are doing and an open, honest conversation will open their eyes to it.
LEARN TO SAY NO
So instead of worrying about saying no all the time with this person, which is not the real problem, you address the root cause of the issue — that you are in a connection where you are expected to be a giver. In the process of doing this, you will strengthen your relationship together. Because now you can be honest with him/her and say yes or no as you desire, without feeling any guilt, fear, or hesitation.
LEARN TO SAY NO
Learn to say NO but you find it a challenge to say no to people and often, you end up with too many commitments than you are comfortable with. However, if you say no, you start worrying about them being unhappy. Why do you feel this way? How can you learn to say no and not feel bad about it or by not offending the other person?
I will admit it, even now sometimes I find it very hard to say no. Whenever people approach me for something. A part of me wants to say no but a part of me does not want to hurt them.
Over time I realized that saying yes has its consequences. Because I keep saying yes to everyone, I would have little time to finish my own tasks. My time was not my own — it was taken over by what other people wanted from me.
Why It is Important to Say No:
In this world, we want to say yes to our closed ones, for sure. You need to say no in order to
Manage your own time.
If we had unlimited time, you could easily say yes to everything. But actually, we have limited time a day. In order to get our own things done, we have to say “NO.”
Set healthy boundaries.
When you do not draw a line between your needs and what others need, people will expect and take more from you. When you start to say no, you start to set boundaries and protect your own personal space.
Have time for your goals:
Your goals should be the most important in your life, such as finding your passion, starting your own business, and building relationships with your loved ones. Make sure you learn to say NO in order to achieve your own goals first.
Be happy.
When you learn to say no, you can control your time. You can love yourself and be happy.
Yet many of us find it tough to say NO. This can be due to the following reasons
Fear of being rude:
You are being afraid that if you say NO, it will look like you are being rude. You were brought up in such a way where saying no especially to elder people, is rude. This is especially in the Asian culture where seniority is highly valued and respected and disagreement is defiance.
Desire to conform.
You want to be a positive and a loved person, so you say yes. You do not want to be seen or labelled as difficult or a complicated person.
Fear of conflict.
You are afraid the person may get unhappy if you reject them, which may lead to a conflicted confrontation.
Afraid to burn bridges
Some people take “NO” as a sign of rejection, and you are afraid to hurt them and spoil relations.
Fear of losing opportunities
You are worried that saying NO means you closing the door to upcoming new opportunities.
Saying NO does not mean that you are being rude.
Neither does it mean that you are disagreeing. Having your own opinion is part of being an individual. If we keep saying yes, all the time to things that we are not willing to do, then we will be busy doing things that other people want us to do, not things that WE want to do.
Saying no does not mean creating conflicts — it is about your needs and healthy boundaries. If we do not assert ourselves, people keep assuming that we are okay with something when actually we are not.
Learn to say NO as it does not mean a loss of opportunity. It is more important to say yes to the right things and opportunities rather than to say yes to everything, including things that are not relevant to you. In the end, you have to look after your satisfaction.
Last but not least, when you keep helping others without looking after yourselves, you will end up sacrificing your personal goals, your time with your loved ones, and your health. We need to first say yes to yourselves before you can be of service to the world.
How to Say “NO”
Learn to say NO. You can say NO to people in a healthy way, politely without hurting them and without feeling guilty.
1. Be direct
As a general rule, whenever you find it hard to reject someone, you should have a two-sentence rule to get it done. Start with a “Sorry, I cannot.” Then, give your reason in one sentence. Or if you do not want to give your reason, just end it there itself.
FOR EXAMPLE:
1. “I am sorry, I cannot make it.”
2. “I will pass this round, sorry about that.”
3. “This does not meet my needs at the moment.”
4. “I am tied down with something and will not be able to do this.”
2. Be sincere
Most of the times you are afraid that if we say “NO,” you will burn the bridges. So, you pretend to be okay and say yes. Or you relent and say yes after the person persists.
Listen!!! Most people will accept your NO when you are sincere in your rejection. The people who care will understand, while those who get offended probably have unhealthy expectations, to begin with.
Note that this tip only works for people who respect your personal space. If you are dealing with narcissist folks who do not respect your space, then it is better to just say NO without sharing too much information.
3. Focus on what is requested, not the person
Learn to say NO without thinking about the person. One of the reasons you struggled with saying NO in the past might be that you did not want to reject the person. Just look at what is requested and expected from you. If the requested task is something you cannot do or cannot afford to do, then you should politely say NO to a particular task without overthinking about his/her reaction and the consequences.
4. Be positive
We have been taught to associate NO with negativity, and that saying NO will result in conflict. But it is possible to say “NO” and maintain a peaceful relationship. It is about how you do it. Realize that it is part and parcel of normal human communication. When you see “NO” as a bad thing, this negative energy will unintentionally be expressed in your response. There is no need to feel bad, feel guilty, or worry about the other person’s feelings. This does not mean that you should be tactless in your reply, but that you should not obsess over how other people will feel.
Even when you are rejecting the person’s request, keep your options open for the future. Let the person know that you can always reconnect down the road to meet, collaborate, discuss possibilities in the future.
5. Suggest alternatives:
This is optional, but if you know about an alternative, share it. For example, if you know of someone who can help the person who came to you, then suggest this alternative person or idea. This should only be done if you happen to know an alternative, not to compensate for saying NO.
6. Do not make yourself responsible for others’ feelings:
One of the reasons you resisted saying NO in the past might be that you did not want to make others feel bad. Maybe you felt like you were responsible for how others would feel, and you did not want others to be unhappy.
At some point in our life, you need to draw a line between helping others and helping ourselves. To be of service to others, you need to prioritize your own health and happiness. Do not make yourself responsible for others’ feelings, especially if they are going to respond negatively to your “NO”. If the person accepts your “NO,” great; if not, then that is too bad. Do what you can do, and then move on if it is beyond what you can offer.
7. Be ready to let go
Learn to say NO especially if the person is disrespecting your needs and expects that you should always say yes, then you might have to re-evaluate this relationship.
Too often we are taught to maintain peace and harmony in all aspects of life, which is why we hesitate to say NO — we do not want to get conflict. But when a relationship or friendship is draining you; when the other party is taking you for granted then you have to ask yourself if this connection is really what you want. A healthy relationship is one where both people support each other. A toxic relationship is one where one party is constantly giving and giving, while the other person just keeps asking and taking.
When I think about and observe the relationships that drain me, I realize that they are the relationships where I am not my real self, where I am expected to always say yes and the other person gets unhappy if I say no.
If you are dealing with such a person, then the question to you is, is this relationship worth keeping or not? No? then it is simple — simply let go of it. If the relationship is an important relationship to you, then let the person know about the issue and tell them how you feel. It is possible that they are not aware of what they are doing and an open, honest conversation will open their eyes to it.
LEARN TO SAY NO
So instead of worrying about saying no all the time with this person, which is not the real problem, you address the root cause of the issue — that you are in a connection where you are expected to be a giver. In the process of doing this, you will strengthen your relationship together. Because now you can be honest with him/her and say yes or no as you desire, without feeling any guilt, fear, or hesitation.
Find Peace within Yourself!!!
Related Posts
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU START HEALING?
HEARTACHE
LEARNING TO MOTIVATE OURSELVES