WHAT IS TRAUMA BONDING?
Do you know what is trauma bonding? Trauma bonding is loyalty to a person who gave you trauma, who has been destructive. Basically, the attachment felt by abused for their abuser. This bonding occurs because of cycles of abuse and ill-treatment often followed by intermittent reward and love. This relationship is intense and inconsistent with constant highs and lows. You know that this person is being abusive but you are in denial but you lie and cover for them because of this trauma bonding. This person constantly promises you things and lets you down by not fulfilling them.
The worst part is when you speak up and fight back, things get worse. This person may use gaslighting as a tactic. And you feel confused and overwhelmed. You feel over-protective of this person because of their lousy past or childhood trauma. You care for them despite their toxic and destructive behavior. And you may think about all the good memories and stop yourself from speaking up. Sometimes you may not even like that person anymore but cannot leave because of this attachment called trauma bonding. One of the examples of trauma bonding is domestic violence.
Signs and Symptoms of Trauma Bonding
Remember not all abusive situations result in trauma bonding, you may not be sure if this term applies to you. Here are some of the signs and symptoms of being in a trauma bonding relationship
- An abused victim covers up or makes excuses to others for the abuser’s behavior
- An abused victim lies to friends or family about the abuser and the abuse
- A victim is unable to leave this toxic situation
- An abused victim may think the abuse is their fault
BREAK THE BOND!
If you have experienced such a situation, your priority now must be to get past the trauma bond so that you can see the situation clearly for what it was and move past it. If you are already out of the situation, you might not need to do the first step. Beyond this, all of the remaining steps are beneficial for anyone who has been on the abused side of a trauma-bonded relationship. Remember trauma bonding does not necessarily have to be about relationships, it can also be about toxic friendships.
Some people may not be comfortable seeing a therapist, these tips that can help you
- Positive and healthy self-talk
- Focus on the present
- Focus on the evident
- Practice self-care
- Seek support from family and peer group
